Surviving a breakup can feel impossible, especially if you didn’t really want the relationship to end. But even if you were the one who decided it was over, it can feel crummy to have such an important part of your life end. There are three important things you can to help with surviving a breakup.

First, let yourself be sad. It’s natural to not want to feel sad. None of us likes to be upset or depressed. But when a relationship ends, no matter who ended it, you lose a part of your life. If you haven’t been dating long, the sad period probably won’t last that long. But for a long-term relationship, you might be sad for a long time.

It’s important, as painful as it is, to allow yourself to feel that way. The tendency is to avoid those feelings and try to move on to something that feels better. But being sad is a necessary step in the healing process.

Letting yourself feel the sadness will let you deal with the emotions and the pain. Remember that surviving a breakup is more than just moving on. If you can deal with the bad feelings, you’ll be better to able to experience the good feelings that come when you’ve moved on.

Second, keep busy. You have to deal with the sadness and not deny it or push it aside, but that doesn’t mean you can or should let yourself wallow in it. If you feel like spending the entire day in bed crying, you can let yourself do that. But the next day, even if you feel that way again, make yourself do something else.

Let yourself cry for an hour, and then find an activity to help distract you. Even if it’s only watching a movie, at least you’ll be able to concentrate on something else for brief periods of time.

Keep in mind that no matter how “active” your activity might be, sad thoughts and memories will still creep in. Even if you’re solving a hard puzzle and concentrating to distract yourself, now and then a memory will pop up and your mind will be back on the breakup. This is normal.

You just have to deal with the feeling briefly and not let it sidetrack you. Feel it, cry for a bit if you need to, and then keep concentrating on your activity. Soon, the sad thoughts and feelings will pop up less and less when you’re doing other things.

Finally, decide to forgive your ex. Surviving a breakup isn’t just about leaving one relationship and looking for another.

You need to resolve things in the old relationship to help you be more emotionally healthy in the next relationship. If you were hurt in the relationship, forgive your ex for his or her part in that.

This might seem an impossible task. Start by realizing that it really does take two, and that surviving a breakup is more important than having someone to blame for it.